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Beautiful Creatures – Deuce

Recently the phones at the media offices for rockers Beautiful Creatures were ringing off the god damn hook. Apparently the legendary Nikki Six called and was in ape-shit mode, goin’ bananas because 80% of the boys in Creatures straight jacked the bass player’s famous mop (the lone exception being the evil top-hat guy), and had been spotted on Sunset, throwin’ the horns, waggin’ their tongues on stage, and pickin’ up chicks, all while parading around in a mane that wasn’t theirs. This was no Shout at the Devil hairdo mind you, but the new school Nikki Six, Beaker from the Muppets style sprout, dyed black and with highlights.


In turns out that the reason for all the commotion was because Beautiful Creatures has just dropped their second full-length album entitled, Deuce. Seemingly a playing card reference, but with all the coke heads in Hollywood, I thought they were givin’ props to the bathroom events with the same nickname, a classless and somewhat obscure observation, I know, but it seemed fitting.

After four years of line-up changes, turmoil, and the recent success of bands like the Darkness, Velvet Revolver, and a re-united Crue, Creatures felt it was a great time to cash in. The production is great, and the guitars; heavy, but the verse, chorus pattern followed by the face melting solo you can set your watch to just made it all the more of a novelty, even more considering they give shouts to Coors Light and Jack Daniels in the liner notes.

As my sarcasm has been suggesting, I found it really hard to take this seriously. I guess I just expect more. Not that you shouldn’t have fun, party and be a metal craving lunatic, because I love that, but just bring me something I haven’t seen a million times, because although they’ve taken many names, not a single ass has been kicked.

……The frenetic sounds of “Working for the Weekend” by Loverboy thrust young Riddle out of his slumber. Blood remnants were crusted about his face like the desert floor, as he peeled them away, gazing at the clock waiting for his eyes to focus. It had been hours since his last kidney feast, and he could here the reverberating summons emitting from his thorax, the tapeworm séance had begun. He quickly rummaged through the icebox to answer their sacrificial cries, but sadly, no organs, only thin epidermal shavings were all that was left……


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