You’re up at three in the morning watching infomercials, finishing off a 12-pack of PBR that you opened at 1:00am, and wondering where you’re life went so very wrong. In between trips to the bathroom, you actually become intrigued by the many education paths you can take by simply completing this or that course that will change your life – in only eight weeks! You too can become a microwave technician, an aircraft mechanic, a dental hygienist, a member of the heavily armed forces, or a law enforcement officer.
Better yet, forget that nine-to-five B.S. After getting yet another loan from your mom, you can offshore manufacture some crappy looking figurine and sell it on QVC while supplies last and before they discover the lead paint.
Or you can absorb in-depth medical knowledge of the human anatomy to become the next Frank Abagnale, Jr. The proffers in this classroom are none other than the head-to-toe aficionados, the alter-egoists of Spank Rock and Benny Blanco, Bangers & Cash. In the convenience of your home, or at a nightclub near you, learn all parts of the body, including but not limited to: the ass, booty, the pussy, the squishy part, tits, titties, dick, assholes, and don’t forget the balls.
Now you can walk out in the world with confidence with your own bad boy/bad girl soundtrack, knowing where things go when you finally get the liquid courage to take that girl or boy home from the land of drink, dance and disco balls. Better yet, start a new career writing a screenplay for a steamier “Grey’s Anatomy: The Movie,” starring Vanessa Blue and Jada Fire.
And once you’ve made all that bangin’ cash, I double-dog-dare you to pimp out your ride with the dopest stereo kit money can buy, crank it up past 11 while you drive up and down Briargate Parkway, blasting Spank Rock’s “Shake That,” “B-O-O-T-A-Y,” or “Pussy” for all the folks over at Focus on the Family. God knows, they could use some learnin’ too.